Corona Chaos

History in the Making!

How did we get here? I feel like I've been on a roller-coaster for over a year now. Quitting my job of 17 years, moving in with Mom. Helping her with illness then losing her. Preparing to move, securing a job, new health considerations, and now trying to move. Right when I thought things might be getting close to settling down, they aren't. We are now dealing with a national emergency for a virus that started in China. 

BUT...

I still have my family. We still have our jobs and our health, mine particularly is manageable for now. I have loving family around to help us and I'd be lost without Andrew and them. 

Others are out there, scared, sick, unsecured. I keep hearing Momma in my head, "It'll be alright things will work out. God is in control". And there it is...God is in control. 

Yes, my congestive heart failure, immunity problem, and possible diabetic issues put me at a risk of getting this...Covid 19. I rely on my Lord. He is in control. I think my greatest fear at this moment is with Andrew going back to work, but once again God is good and I have faith he will keep us in his care. 

This is history in the making... I'm hoping and praying for the best. I think in two weeks we will have a better understanding of where we all stand. 

Until then I remain constant in prayer. 

Mom and Blueberries?

Years ago I went over to Mom's house to visit. She was outside taking care of her chickens. She loved her chickens and they kept her moving around and working all the time, which was really good for her. She really enjoyed working outside and taking care of the chickens was usually easy to work. She had a child's buggy she used to carry things around the yard and offer a steady hand on some muddy sometimes unsteady ground. 

I had walked outside into the backyard to offer greetings and help out. She had this small bag in the buggy and they looked pretty juicy. I thought they were blueberries. I imagined her sitting under the patio in her favorite chair, taking a break from yard work to nibble on some blueberries. This idea was so pleasant that I just had to reach out and try some of those berries.

Little did I know until I had the bag firmly in hand that they were not blueberries, but June bugs! A juicy bag full of June bugs! I exclaimed something I'm sure and we were both laughing hard at the misunderstanding. 

I don't think I'll ever see a June bug again without thinking about that bag and how she had collected them for her chickens because they loved them so much. Her smile and laughter, rich in the warm sunlight of that day in such a small, but unforgettable moment with my Momma. 

Troubling dreams return

When I lost Daddy, for a long time I’d dream he was with us and I would grab him and tell him what was about to happen, as if I could stop it from happening. Of course, I’d wake up crying. It’s almost been 15 years and I still dream of him, but I’m. Not grabbing him in panic like before...I’m just trying to enjoy every minute he is there. I suppose it’s part of grief. 

Just this last week 3 1/2 months after losing Momma, I’ve began to have similar dreams. Previously I’d just dream she was there. Now I’m grabbing her telling her that she’s passed... and begging her to stay. 

San Augustine Tornado April 24, 2019

The evening of April 24, 2019 I was watching weather approaching us. Around 11:20 I was on my phone watching the weather. I detected rotation just Southwest of San Augustine. At this time I posted online an alert for family in the area. 

It was indeed a tornado. It hit the main intersection in town and did some pretty intense damage.

Reports from Channel 13
https://abc13.com/possible-tornado-rips-apart-homes-businesses-in-e-texas-town/5270009/

https://kicks105.com/tornado-strikes-san-augustine-see-videos-of-storm-and-damage/

Drone footage

Hail Maps link

http://www.interactivehailmaps.com/browse-hail-events/

I just stand

I just stand

I just stand not knowing what to do 

completely lost without you 

I just stand

I see your things right there thanks for what you cared I cannot touch them I just look 

I just stand

I think of the comforting words you'd give me 

Telling me everything would be OK

I just stand

My tears flow unending

I’m drowning in the thought you're not here

I just stand

Where are your arms to soothe me

Where is the sunshine of your smile

This hard ache will not go easy

I just stand

Jan 28, 2019

Poem by William Fire Ponder

This poem was given to me by my dear Uncle Charles Ponder. 

Song

Poor soldier, poor soldier, Take warning by me,

The fruits of Secession, Behold you now see.

My life is tormented,

My body confined,

My wife and dear children,

Left weeping behind.

No meat in the meat tub,

No meal in the tray,

They go to bed hungry,

And get up the same way.

And how they are to live,

I’ll declare I don’t know,

For along comes the Calvary,

Drives off my last cow.

Along comes the Cavalry

Inquiring for corn

He enquires for the tax mon.

Oh, there goes my corn

The tenth of my fodder,

They have taken at last

My wife and dear children did save in the grass.

Oh, dismal, oh, dismal

My life is to me

The fruits of secession

Behold I now see

My children is hungry

And crying for bread.

How much worse would they be

If their father was dead.

W.F. Ponder

Mom's journey has not been an easy one. When she started taking on water in December it wasn't taken care of and in April we were at the Doctor with her having difficulty breathing. Then Memorial Day she started bleeding. After 9 units of blood and 10 days in the hospital, she was released but on minimum medicines. A month later she was taking on tons of water again. 
At this point it is almost Halloween, she is doing so much better! She is angry most of the time though. The house was put on hold while she healed and it is driving her crazy. 

All this plus the fear that something major will happen again. Especially now...with Halloween. 

14 years ago we lost Daddy Halloween day, so sadness and fear are flooding thoughts...